All is Well....

I looked at this as the Christmas to forget. The one to get through and be done with. The first Christmas ever without my Daddy. I have been so very sad. We all knew this would be difficult (Thanksgiving was no picnic.). I remember last Christmas talking about plans for this Christmas and hearing Daddy say, "I don't care. I won't be here." Yes he did. I want to be angry at him as if saying it made it so. Silly. But still. It's almost as if he and the Lord had come to an agreement without consulting the rest of us.

As I greeted Mom this morning at breakfast, I hugged her neck and lost it. "I miss my Daddy." She said she knows. We cried a little, recovered and separated, knowing this would not be the last tears we would shed on this day.

As I headed to church, I pleaded with the Lord. "Please, You've got to give me something. I need something from You today." As my heart has continued to heal, there are still moments when I don't want to face the reality, the finality (at least on this earth) of my loss. I feel as if a blessing has been ripped from my heart. I went to church seeking. One of the musical selections was "All is well."
As I listened, I realized from God's perspective, everything is going as planned. He is accomplishing His purposes. This is all a right, good thing. (As if this is a new concept in dealing with this situation...) I was reminded of once when I was driving my oldest 3 kids home on an unfamiliar route. It was dark and I couldn't seem to find my way. Finally, I heard Joy (around 4 at the time) tell Shane, "Shane, we better pray!" I remembered in Malaysia, telling the cabdriver where we needed to go, then sitting back and relaxing, confident in where he would take us.

Interesting.....when I'm in control, I tend to get in trouble. But when I trust the one who knows where to go and what route to take to get there, I can sit back and relax. The Lord said to me today, "Relax. We're on the right route. All is well. I have a plan for you, not to harm you, but to give you hope."

The moral of the story if this: Sadness comes when I relate my situation to the pain it causes me and do not focus on God's plan to glorify Himself. End of story.

When Jesus was in the garden, he did not like what He was going through, what He was ABOUT to go through. He prayed for relief, escape. Nevertheless, He continued, "...not my will, but Thine be done." When my will gets in the way, everything goes downhill. I am failing to be excited to be a part of God's plan for me and those around me. I only feel the hurt and sadness. It is a natural, normal thing to grieve. That's easy. Too easy. However, as my intimacy with the Lord grows, there should also be an expectation of what He's doing, what He wants to accomplish, how He can use my hurts for His glory.

We serve an amazing, mighty God, and He is real.......