Lord what are you thinking? Enough is enough. Can't do this any more. Don't want to do this any more. Same ol' story. Just when I think it's all under control. BAM! Another onslaught of sadness, despair, disbelief and feelings of futility. What will make a difference to my heart? When? Why? Why? Why?
Lord, I know you asked your Father if there were any other way to "let this cup pass" from you. Obviously, there wasn't. Not for You. Not for me. I just need to see You working. I need to feel relief from this weight that incapacitates me. You tell me, "Fear thou not, for I am with thee. Do not be dismayed, for I am thy God." But I AM dismayed, Lord. I can't seem to help it. I KNOW You are my God, but helplessness is my constant companion. Strengthen me, help me, hold me up, Lord.
I am despondent. You are faithful. You have blessed. Yours ways are perfect. You love me. It is not enough just now, Lord. Help me.
I know....I know...I remember those days so well. Tears start as I read this - hating that any of my friends should have to feel this wrenching pain - and yet, until our Lord returns and "makes all things right" we all drink from this cup at some time. My well-worn hymnal got a work out in the "early" days of grieving my dad's departure from this earth. I remember a phrase from "Be Still My Soul" - "Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain. Leave to thy God to order and provide - In every change He faithful will remain." Praying for you, my friend.
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